It's okay, you're better than I am.

I have this way of making people think I'm judging them. Some people just plain resent it, some ignore it, some feel the need to 'defend' themselves in the face of it, to try to impress or to throw mud in my eye. I'll admit that yeah, most of the time I'm judging people in one way or another. But not in the way you think. More on that in a minute.

I observe people all the time, and I'm constantly sizing them up. Psychologists probably have a word for that, and it's probably not considered healthy. Oh well.

But honestly, folks: if you're a friend of mine, any kind of friend, then I'm not judging you or sizing you up. As a friend of mine once said of me, I pay very close attention to people I talk to. I listen. I watch. I love listening and watching, and I love remembering what I hear from you and bringing it back into the conversation. I love remembering what your face or hands looked like when you said whatever interesting thing you said. People just fascinate me. So I'm studying you, but I'm not judging you, honestly. Maybe that makes me too 'intense' for most people's druthers, but the alternative seems like negligence to me. Granted, I can turn it off, and I do when it's absolutely necessary. But where's the fun in that?

And now back to the observing and judging. I use judging in a broad sense. I'm not sizing people up as good or evil, worthy or damned. I'm trying to figure them out, to recognize their patterns. (For the wigbers: as I've mentioned, I sometimes think of myself as a kind of meatspace Colin Laney.) If you're a friend, I'm past that point with you. But if you're a stranger on the street, or a guy I'll only meet once in a conference, then yeah, you're material for me. You're an animal in a zoo, and I'm loving checking you out. I love to watch how people lie, how they deal with other people, what makes them happy or uncomfortable, the whole package. It comes out in my writing. Spinning out those little interpersonal dynamics, including how people talk to each other (dialogue), is really my only strength as a writer, if I have any strengths. Well, that and a healthy appreciation of absurdity, maybe. And, well, perhaps, the, quite conspicuous mind you, overuse of, yes, commas.

So if you meet me in a friendly situation and I'm staring intently at you, don't worry. You don't have a booger on your face. Probably. And I'm not judging you. I'm giving you the respect that you deserve, and I'm plundering your soul for material.

What could be wrong with that?